Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The most disgusting post I've written yet

We have two dogs - an English Bulldog and a Yellow Lab. The bulldog is usually the bane of my existence. He's stubborn - he ONLY listens to my husband and when I tell him to do something just looks at me as though I am speaking another language or something. I mean, I KNOW he speaks human.

He stinks - all those wrinkles on his face collect nastiness and said nastiness creates a stench that makes him smell like his rearend reached around and licked his face.

When he shakes his head he can spray slobber on all four walls of a room PLUS the ceiling, all at the same time.

But this post is about the Lab. He has the runs right now. It's awful. Each night since last Thursday Hubs has to get up 2 or 3 times to clean up pools of it on the floor. And the gas. The gas will make your eyes water, singe your nose hairs and make you want to curl up into a fetal position and cry. We stopped his food in hopes of letting his poor tummy rest and give ourselves a break. It continued unabated and I finally broke down and took him to the vet yesterday.

The vet initially came off as being sort of a gruff old man but has actually turned out to be quite charming. When we went yesterday he stated right away that they needed a "sample" to see what was causing the problem. I let him lead the dog away and called "Have fun Mason. This is YOUR version of the gynecologist!"

The vet returned moments later. "We weren't able to get a sample sufficient to run all the tests". Wha..?? Are you KIDDING ME? We've had lakes of it in the house! It's EVERYWHERE in the yard! Are you telling me NOW he's out of ammo?

"Here's a little container and a tongue depressor. We need you to collect a sample for us."


3 comments: said...

Wow. The tongue depressor...I have about five ideas of how you'd use it. It's the grossest of the five, isn't it? said...
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Dana said...

This is hilarious! Well, obviously not for you... My husband and I agreed that children are enough work so pets are out. This reaffirms our decision!