A good friend of mine invited us to join her and her kids today at the Country Club Pool (spoken with a bad English accent), so we met her over there this morning. This is one of the perks of being a stay-at-home mom. The experience, however, was an unexpected culture shock.
I remember going to the pool when I was young. We were skinny, crazy kids running around everywhere and our moms were there to make sure we didn't drown or turn blue and go into comas from hypothermia - moms who were harried but happy to have a place for their kids to swim off their excess energy during the day. There were the ubiquitous teenage girls there working on their tans and talking about boys and clothes and more boys. Remember the days when you tanned with baby oil? When sunscreen was only for your red-headed fair-skinned friend who burned after 5 minutes in the sun?
At The Club today there were, in fact, some skinny, crazy kids running around, but also a fair number of, ahem, chubby ones. I am astonished at how many 6 year old children have guts. I totally have this mental image of them all sitting around chugging Budweiser while they play their Nintendos like a bunch of fraternity boys.
Anyhoo...we arrived at the pool, found some tables and dropped off our stuff, then the kids and I headed to the baby pool. As they splashed around I did some people-watching. Hmmm, something seemed off...and then it hit me. Three-quarters of the children at The Club were with their nannies. But not Mary Poppins nannies, oh no. These nannies are twenty-something, hard-body college girls who look like they all took up starvation as a hobby. I mean come on, eat a COOKIE for pete's sake. All your little charges certainly do!
So, feeling totally insecure and having decided to put my t-shirt and shorts back on, my suburban housewife mind was then completely blown away by the ohmigod MOMS. I can't even begin to calculate the dollar amounts of the plastic surgery that must have happened for these women to look the way they do. Not a baby belly anywhere. Liposuction and tummy-tucks, anyone? And how on earth did they find time between their facials and appointments with personal trainers to tote their spawn to the pool?
Seriously, I'm not bitter. Or jealous. Hell, if I had a nanny and she looked like a Baywatch extra I guess I'd be bugging the Hubs for some plastic surgery too.
Plus, my kids have SO MUCH FUN jiggling the cellulite on my thighs; who am I to deny them that?