Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Vacuum very much!

My kids are both mortally terrified of the vacuum cleaner. They go into screaming, shaking fits when I turn it on, and then it takes a lifetime to calm them back down.

This morning in the kitchen Emmie grabbed the handle of the little Swiffer vacuum, pulled it over and accidently turned it on. Oh the shrieking! The wailing! The gnashing of teeth! Emmie screamed, scuttled sideways like a crab trying to run from the tide and grabbed my ankles to escape it. Because CLEARLY it was going to turn on her with huge, pointy teeth and eat her alive.

Thomas did his patented open mouth, purple face, I'm screaming so hard nothing is coming out but just you WAIT until I catch my breath act. Because that tiny little 5 pound vacuum is dangerous and noisy and it might just suck him into the 4 ounce canister like Augustus Gloop in the Chocolate River.

I lunged for the damn thing and managed to hit the button to turn it off, but the damage was done.

People, I'm in a quandary here. With two large dogs and two small children, vacuuming is a necessity. But when do I do it? I can't vacuum when the kids are awake. Obviously. I can't vacuum when they are asleep because that would mean interrupting my nap possibly waking them up and, well, that just is not acceptable.

I guess I should mention here that I'm sort of a vacuum addict. I've had as many as four at one time. At one time I even had a Roomba. I named it George and I used to sit on the sofa and watch it run little circles around my living room. I loved it, partly because it was cute as a bug's ear, mostly because it was doing housework. Without complaining or assuming I would *ahem* return the favor later. And it was a hit at parties. It died a few years ago - I think it choked on dog hair.

Anyhoo, I'm down to only three vacuums right now, and I CAN'T USE ANY OF THEM. So instead I sweep. Do you know what sweeping does to dog hair? It floats up and sparkles in the sunlight coming through the windows, then drifts back down to the floor behind the broom. Seriously. You CANNOT sweep up dog hair.

*sigh* It's probably just as well the Roomba died. Can you imagine what would happen if a vacuum actually CHASED one of the kids around the room? The therapy bills would put us into foreclosure.


Dana said...

The picture you've painted in my head of a Roomba chasing your terrified children is priceless. :)

Mommy's Nintendo said...

Hey! Dana said what I was thinking!